Online Dating – Potential Dangers and Disasters

You’ve just clicked the last box in the long list of procedures to join XYZ online dating service, confident that everything you put in your profile was exactly as you wanted. You double checked, didn’t you?

Oops, you accidentally left in some key information that will make you readily identifiable to all your friends, family and co-workers. Now everybody will know about your absolute sheer desperation to find a partner.

Or worse! You put on your profile a photograph of yourself, half-plastered with alcohol at the last Christmas party, lipstick smeared across your cheeks (I haven’t mentioned any gender here, so whatever pictures you have in your mind are entirely your input).

So, you see. This is a potential minefield…and we haven’t even been out on our first date yet, have we?

But don’t despair or feel that the cat is out of the bag. You can always go back to the profile and change the details/remove the photos/delete your entire account if you are scared enough.

But let’s be serious here for a moment. In the following paragraphs I’m going to go through the three most apparent “dangers” of Internet dating.

The Stalker

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I will put this horrible creature at the top of the list. We have all heard the horrifying stories that have often ended in tragedy. Even murder. Quite often these terrible events have come after encounters on the more “adult-oriented” sites. Perhaps a threesome has become a deadly game filled with jealousy and hatred, after what seemed to be such a cool idea at the time.

Even on a more mundane level, there are nutters out there who have harassed poor women (and men) to the point of psychological breakdown. Yep, it happens.

But, there are ways to avoid this. These guidelines, by no means a definitive list, are especially relevant for women and may help you in a tricky situation.

  1. Never put direct contact details in a profile. Most dating sites will not allow this anyway, as long as their screening procedures are up to standard.
  2. Make sure your first meetings are in well-patronized areas, like a food-court in a shopping mall, or some other busy place. That way, if the man/woman turns out to be less than what you hoped for, you can blend into the crowd before slipping away.
  3. If you feel nervous, take along someone you know and trust well and have them observe you from a distance. You won’t believe how much more confident this makes some women feel.
  4. Don’t give your phone number to your new online friend until you feel it is safe to do so. When is this? Certainly not after date number one.
  5. This may sound drastic, but keep some form of protection (in addition to condoms!) in your handbag (mace, capsicum spray, a very loud alarm device) in case you find yourself alone and in an intimidating environment. In the same vein, go and get some self-defense lessons – it will keep you fit and desirable as well as give you valuable knowledge about groin attacks and the like!

The Don Juan Crook

These are men, nine times out of ten, and there are more and more stories of these guys emerging every day.

This is where a super-charmer convinces their new date/partner that they are world-famous, super successful and know all the celebrities. For some reason or other, all their funds are tied up in something, and they cannot get their hands on ready cash for day-to-day living, or for some other “sure-fire” investment.

Before you know it. Mr or Mrs Gullible Internet Dater have handed over their bank account details, credit cards, or even packed the rolls of cash into the suitcase before driving Don Juan to the airport and kissing him good-bye as he boards the plane for Rio!

How do you avoid these crooks? It can be difficult for lonely folks, especially widows and widowers (beware the female black spider!), so the best advice here is to enlist a friend or two to give you an absolutely candid appraisal of your new-found Prince/Princess Charming.

The Dishonest Dating Site with Fake Members

This problem had a bit of press in Australia recently. I won’t name the actual site, but the owners were punished by the courts and made to apologize to their members.

Sadly, it can be hard to spot the fake profiles, sometimes answering you via sophisticated software programs, or even by real people paid to pretend they are someone else (backpackers in Australia, for instance).

If you aren’t careful, these pseudo-daters can waste a lot of your valuable time and money.

The best way to avoid being scammed in this way is to ask specific questions that only a real person would know the answers to. For example, ask about current events in your local area. If they can’t or won’t answer, you might be dealing with a robot!

However, in my opinion, Internet dating is a great option in today’s fast-paced world. People are time poor, and lack the freedom to socialize they way it used to be in the “good old days’.

Online daters just need to be alert to the potential dangers, and take the appropriate steps to minimize the damage.

Happy dating!

Online Dating The Art of Selection

Dating manuals thick as telephone directories can be written on the subject of selecting the right dating partner. The key to the selection process is not to focus on our potential dating partner, but to focus on our ingrained human instincts. What are these human instincts? Imagination and desire are our enemies!

As we approach dating relationships from our own point of view, many individuals fall short in reaching their goals. There are countless reasons why most individuals finish in last place when commencing to build healthy dating relationships. Imagination and desire will cripple a dating relationship before the relationship starts, and before you know it, you are right back at the starting gate with a new dating partner or wish you were!

Beginning the dating process, we often focus on what we want in our dating partner and not his/her present composition. Captive is our rational self by our imagination and blinded by desire. The moment we are introduced to someone, or view some photos, profiles or personal ads online – we immediately enter an imaginary world, especially if he/she is physically attractive. It is our own little world constructed by our imagination; at this point, we lose all sense of reality. Reality is what exists now and imagination is what we want to exist, which is the total opposite. Our reliant on our intoxicated senses, intoxicated by imagination and desire leads us into total darkness. As a result, our objectivity fades away into the background.

This unreal portrayal depicts a fictional fairytale hero that originates from the desire to realize the storybook romance. On the surface, the storybook romance syndrome appears to be harmless. When individuals attempt to convert their imagination into a dating reality, total destruction visits the dating relationship, leaving the residue of psychological devastation behind. The storybook romance syndrome has defaced the truth about dating relationships, retarding them from ever having a chance of realizing success.

To achieve a blissful dating relationship with the hope of achieving a long lasting marriage, you must not select a dating partner based on your imagination. You must remain focused on reality; you must also focus on objectivity and not subjectivity. In the absence of an objective criteria to resort to in selecting your dating partner; your only alternative is to turn to a sincere, trusted family member or friend for help in the selection process. They will be more incline to exercise an objective approach. Remember this, when you are in the picture, you can’t see the picture! Investigate patiently your potential dating partner and never rely on your own senses, you may finish first in the race to a healthy dating relationship. Good Luck!

Meeting Your Online Date Face to Face and What to Do If it Goes Wrong

Well done. You have joined a great dating site, and found what you feel is your ideal partner. After getting to know each other online, and seeing the picture, all is well and you decide to meet face to face. This is the first step in a new relationship, will it be everything you have ever dreamed of? or will it all go wrong? If it does turn into a nightmare, and you need to get out and fast, how do you do it, and what precautions should you take to make sure you keep your escape routes open?

You may have emailed, spoken on the phone, and seen the other persons smiling face on a digital photo, even so your first meeting is in reality little better than a blind date. So you are there nervously waiting for your soul mate, but after you meet you realize quickly that there is little hope of a spark, and all you can hope for is a fire drill or other man made disaster to end it as quickly as possible. You can’t rely on fate intervening, so how do you ditch a bad date? Here are eight practical options you should always have in mind in case of a bad date emergency.

1 – First impressions count. Make sure you are there first and get yourself in a position where you can see the door. In such a way that you can see your date arrive but they can’t see you. If you get a look at them and they look approximately like the photo, but 10 years older or 50 pounds heavier, you can escape down your previously surveyed getaway route. You can always make an excuse phone call and apology once you are out. It’s guilt free you only ran because they lied first.

2 – The escape call. Before leaving for your date make sure you arrange with a friend to call you at a time when you will be a little into your date. After answering the call you can either tell your date it was not important, if all is well, if not however you can fake an emergency that will get you out of there fast.

3 – The fake call, If you didn’t arrange a get out call, you can always fake one, either by saying you have received a text message, or by going to the bathroom and saying someone called whilst you were away.

4 – The reverse fake call – You or a friend, can call the venue where you are having the date, and get them to page your nightmare companion with a fake emergency. They will be puzzled when they receive the message, but nine times out of ten will make their excuses and leave. This may also get you a free meal, don’t hang around too long though, because they may come back!

5 – The fake illness – You can always say you feel ill and need to leave, this takes a bit of care as if you seem too ill, your date may try and leave with you to look after you, so use with caution.

6 – If you are feeling particularly callous you can go the the bathroom and instead run straight out of the exit and don’t look back. Variations of this can be used depending on what type of venue you find yourself in.

7 – This works better for women, but can be adapted for both sexes. Why not use psychological warfare, and get your date to run out on you, by announcing how cute your kids will be, or how you can already see you two being married. Extreme variations of this can include, talking about the voices in your head or even talking to the voices in your head. The main advantage of this method is, if your date dumps you, you will still get to enjoy the meal, drinks, or whatever, and it’s completely guilt free.

8 – Shockingly you could try being honest. Talk to your date say you are sorry but you can see no hope of this date working, make your excuses and go. The advantage of this is whilst not being entirely guilt free, it is a little less heartless than just running, especially if carefully worded.

I hope these tips help you next time you find yourself in a hopeless situation and gets you out of there fast. I know it may seem cold but there really is no point prolonging a date once you see it has no future. Move on and better luck next time.